The Trooth about my Teeth

I was complaining last week about my uncooperative hair and our troubled relationship. Well, I have never liked my teeth either and they probably don’t care too much for me. Our biggest problem is a genetic one. Not much I can do about that.

My mother had a normal sized head and my father had a small one. Guess which one I inherited. Even if your head is small, you still have the usual number of teeth that must fit into your small jaw. To add to my struggles, like my hair, I grew my first teeth very slowly. My mother actually took me to the local dentist to see if I  had any teeth in my gums. He said they were there and would eventually appear. I cut my first tooth at the age of thirteen months and I have passed on this wonderful genetic gesture to some of my descendants. I am sorry about that, guys, but it was not really my fault. I wonder how far back in my family history, I’d have to go to find my original pinheaded ancestor. Some Viking perhaps called Eric Small Head. That would explain the 6% in my Scandanavian DNA results.

Because of the small jaw, my teeth were not regularly spaced. I lost a couple of the top ones early to make room for the others and then wore some primitive braces for a couple of years. I didn’t like the dentist but didn’t intentionally bite him during one session. He told me to close tightly and I did. He was too slow removing his fingers from my mouth.

My wisdom teeth were shy. I expected to  cut them when I was a teenager but I hadn’t got any when I finished high school. My dentist said they’d come when I had gained my Bachelor of Arts degree but no teeth arrived with the diploma. Then he said I had to finish my Masters so I did that. I eventually got two of them when my son was cutting his first teeth and we suffered together from painful gums. I still haven’t got the other two wisdom teeth. I think they took a detour and went the wrong way.

Dentists complain about me. Apparently, I have a very wet mouth. One dentist said it was like working in Niagara Falls! These days, there are better suction devices. The small mouth doesn’t help ether as there is a definite lack of room inside to poke around my teeth with sharp instruments. One dentist wanted to rearrange my teeth to make me look more regular. He sent me to a specialist to have two bottom teeth removed. This man gave me laughing gas which worked really fast and said I must be a cheap drunk. At the time I thought that was funny but I was under the influence of the gas. After some examination of my x-rays, he decided not to remove any teeth because the roots were so intertwined.

Maybe i’ll write about feet next, They are also annoying, obviously for different reasons from my hair and teeth.